can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
