Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
