Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
