She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
