watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
