i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
