i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
