i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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