The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
