the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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