Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
