areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
