the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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