Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
