If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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