I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
