so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
