Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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