She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
