Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
