In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
