Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This baby is an asshole
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
