she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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