nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
