Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
