i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize