Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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