when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
