there was a trapeze. enough said
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
