bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
