fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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