I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
