No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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