my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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