I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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