Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The convent might be a nice break from real life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
