I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
