guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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