Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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