I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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