Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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