Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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