How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize