Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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