She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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