This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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