just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
