Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
