Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize