sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
