It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize