Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
