I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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