If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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