Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
