The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
