I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize