the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
