Fine. I'll sleep in my office
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
