he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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