When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize