Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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