Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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