I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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